HOW TO BE LESS SHY

Everyone wants to feel included. No one likes being laughed at. But, if you are an introvert, this might be quite a task at a social gathering. The upside to it is—it’s not your fault and there are ways you can help yourself! Getting over shyness is time consuming and takes practice and getting used by opening up to the others. Being shy is a normal fear, but if it is extreme it might be a social phobia that you are facing that might require therapy. The questions to ask yourself are—what are you scared of? Is it that everyone in the room is looking at you? Or you might say the wrong thing and people laugh at you? When you’ve figured this out, have faith that you can overcome this. After all, Kim Basinger, a well known Hollywood actress had a condition of social anxiety and has now become used to the media and society in general. Read about some ways to overcome your shyness.

Ways To Be Less Shy

Be Well Groomed And Interact
The foremost important step is to dress well. People get naturally attracted to well dressers. If you are in a mall, help people around you. If someone has dropped something or a woman is struggling to carry her baby and her bags, offer to help. This automatically makes a first impression. While doing this, make small talk by saying- “Have a nice day” or “Hope you will be fine”. By doing this, you are breaking the barrier between the two of you. Not so hard, is it?

Practice“Practice makes perfect” – this applies to every situation in life. What you should do is stand in front of the mirror and talk to yourself. You can change the way you stand or the way you make eye contact with the other person. This way you won’t be too scared to talk in public. If you have to give a presentation then try to practice in front of your friend or the mirror first. Then you won’t have to search for words when it comes to the real thing!

Prepare
Before you go to a social gathering, make sure you know the kind of people you are meeting. Stay updated about the current events happening in the world. Even if you run out of topics and are nervous to say anything stupid, you can converse about the latest events. Even topics such as movies and TV shows are welcome.

Breathe
Learn to control your breathing. Some people, who suffer from anxiety and nervousness, usually hyperventilate and lose their confidence. The best way to do this is calm yourself before entering anywhere taking one deep breath and let it go slowly. To breathe well means to breathe from the diaphragm.

Body Language
Showing you are confident, even if you’re not, is the most important step in overcoming shyness. A good posture, where one needs to stand tall and not slouch is a good start. Always wear a smile and look upright! There’s nothing more attractive than someone who can get away with their body language.

Do Something Out Of The Ordinary
Participate in activities that give you a chance to mingle with other people, plus you have loads of fun doing it. Go clubbing or join a book reading club. Indulge yourself a little bit, go wild and dance the night away, or attend some language classes where you meet people from the same background as you. Karaoke nights are interesting too. All these activities will take your mind away from the fact that you are shy and need help.

In the end, if none of this is working, visit a therapist and he will tell you what you can do. Shyness is not incurable!

MANAGE THE COMPLEXES AND BUILD UP YOUR PERSONALITY

There are many ways in which a person can cope with the problem of complexes or self doubting attitude in him but I shall tell you the easy solutions suggested by Norman Vincent Peale, the famous author who has written the best seller, ‘The power of Positive Thinking’. In this he has prescribed ten easy steps to overcome complexes and build up your Personality and confidence. These steps are:

Draw a picture of a successful person:
Every one of us always keeps on drawing some picture of what our future will be but if we project our self as a failure and get demoralized we will not succeed. Our action shall always try to convert these pictures in reality. Norman Peale has suggested us to draw a picture of a successful man with dignified living. The imaginary picture when thought several times over can help a person to imprint it in his mind. Such a positive picture will take us to the road of better personality, free from all the shortcoming and lack of self-confidence.

Cancel your negative thought with a positive thought
We always keep on thinking about our future. The fear in us is due to uncertain things and doubts in our mind. These negative thoughts are the reason we are failing .To eliminate these negative thought we need generate in our mind some positive and bright thoughts, which can cancel out the fear in us. Whenever these negative thoughts c0meinyour mind start thinking of something good.

Identify your obstacles
There are obstacles in your life that may be a cause of worry. If you are suffering from some ailment and you go to a doctor, he will not give you any medicine till the diagnoses you properly. Diagnosis is important for the proper treatment of the disease. Similarly, if you feel there are a few weaknesses and obstacles you need to identify and try to remove them.

Do not copy others blindly
We are all unique creature and we all have our own weaknesses and strengths. We must try to strive for something that we can do best. Why feel bad if we are not capable of doing something that others can do?

Get a competent counselor to help you
Knowing one’s self is not an easy task. We start doubting our capability from childhood The low confidence level is rooted in incidents in childhood. We feel bad about our poor competence and develop a feeling of competence and develop a feeling of complex. We need a counselor who can help us know our shortcomings and the ways to overcome it.

Practice the sentence of telling yourself, “I can do it”Repeat the sentence ten times daily. If you are confident that you can do it other too will start getting that felling.

Make a true estimate of your ability.
The ability of a person can be physical, mental and attitudinal. If a person can make a true estimate of his physical ability, he will never feel sorry about the same. Underestimation of the ability will develop and inferiority complex.

God is your creator. He is for you.
When you are feeling alone and not getting any support, and everyone is on the other side of the table, you creator of the universe,. He is with you, why bother about others who are less powerful? All your inferiority complexes will vanish and you will start feeling confident.

Put your self in God’s hands
Try your best, but leave the result in the hand of God. In the great Indian epic Mahabharata, lord Krishna tells Arjuna that you must make all efforts and work hard and leave the results in the hands of God

Remind yourself all the time that you have the energy and power of God.
When you start thinking that you so not have the last bit of energy to complete the final lap in the long distance run, the sense of desperation comes into your mind. If in the crucial moment you allow that thought of slightest complexes to overrule your mind you will lose the race. At such a crucial juncture you remind yourself all the time that you have the additional energy from God to complete the last effort. The difference between a winner and a loser is the last effort, which will come from the grace of the God.

IMPROVE YOUR MEMORY

There are many ways in which you can improve your memory and the more you work at it, the better it becomes!
Memory is the mechanism by which we are able to store, retain, and recall information. As simple as it may sound, the process is a complex one which involves many different parts of the brain and serves us in a wide variety of ways.
As with so many of our other functions, the saying "use it or lose it" applies as aptly to the brain, as with anything else. The more you exercise your brain and nurture it with a good diet and healthy habits, the better you'll be able to process and remember information.
Before we get into how to improve your memory, it would be helpful to understand how it works.
For example here are parts of the brain used for memory:
The hippocampus is the primitive structure deep in the brain that plays the single largest role in processing information as memory.
The amygdala is an almond-shaped area near the hippocampus, which processes emotion and helps imprint memories that involve emotion.
he cerebral cortex (the outer layer of the brain), depending on what kind of processing the information involves, such as language, sensory input or problem-solving, stores most long-term memory in its different zones.
Memory also entails communication among the brain's network of neurons, which are the millions of cells activated by brain chemicals called neurotransmitters.
Memory can be short-term or long-term. In short-term memory, your brain stores information for a few seconds or a few minutes. It is capable of holding, on average, about seven items at a time.
Long-term memory involves the type of information that requires a conscious effort to retain, and then recall. This would include studying for tests, factual data, or personal events; such as the first time you were able to ride a bike, or recalling your favorite movie. Another type of long-term memory is procedural memory, which involves skills and routines that you perform so frequently that they don't require conscious recall.
Tips on how to Improve Your Memory
1. Exercise your brain. The best way to exercise your brain is to engage in new experiences or expose it to varied sensory stimulation. When you break with routine or do something that is challenging, you create new brain pathways. An illustration of this would be writing, or dribbling a basketball with your non-dominant hand, or taking a totally different route to work. An example of sensory stimulation, would be smelling a particular fragrance while listening to a certain piece of music. To stir up brain activity in yet a different way, you can pick something usually done by rote, or on automatic pilot, and consciously change the way you go about it.
It is also a well know fact that people who engage in activities that exercise the brain, such as reading, writing, and playing card games, can delay the rapid memory decline that occurs as we age.
2. Pay attention. It is very difficult to remember something if you've never learned it in the first place. It takes about eight seconds of intent focus to process a piece of information through the hippocampus and direct it to the proper memory center. If you do not concentrate, get distracted easily, or are doing several things at once, your chances of retrieving specific information will be non-existent.
3. Incorporate as many senses as possible. While there are many different learning styles, such as visual, auditory and kinesthetic (touch), no matter which type you are, you can incorporate all of them in the process of trying to remember something. If you're a visual learner you can read out loud, even recite rhythmically to remember better. If you're an auditory learner, create a mental image or look at pictures as you read out loud. Relating information to colors, textures, smells and tastes is also very helpful.
4. Organize Information. A good way to remember new things is to make associations and connect information to what you already know. Building on what you know helps you remember new material. Also, write important things down in notebooks, calendars and post-it notes, then reorganize the information in a comprehensive way in order to retain it.
5. Review frequently and over-learn. Go over what you've learned the same day you learned it, and review it frequently. When you review and over-learn information, it becomes embedded in your memory and therefore, so much easier to recall. It is also much more effective than trying to cram.
6. Use Mnemonics. Mnemonics are a memory tool or technique used for remembering difficult information. They are clues of any kind that help us remember something, usually by associating it with a visual image, a sentence, or a word. For example, "30 days hath September, April, June and November" is a rhyme for remembering the number of days in each calendar month. Another example of mnemonics would be to "chunk" information. Chunking is when you arrange a long list into smaller units or categories that are easier to remember. To remember a long number, you could chunk it into groups of 2, 3 or 4 for easier retention. You can also code and structure information by using vivid mental images. When you make the images colorful or even unusual, they are much easier to recall when you need them.
7. Practice good health habits. Exercise regularly. It increases oxygen to your brain and reduces the risk for disorders, such as diabetes and heart disease. Poor health, of any kind, contributes to memory loss. Likewise, get plenty of sleep and eat properly. Sleep is necessary for concentration and clear thinking, while good eating habits supply the nutrients needed to nourish your brain.
8. Stay motivated and maintain a positive attitude. When you are positive about learning and experiencing new things, you automatically improve your memory. On the other hand, if you tell yourself you have a bad memory, you will actually impede your brain's ability to remember. Maintaining a positive attitude sets up expectation of success.
By incorporating the above tips and strategies into your routine, you will be able improve your memory significantly. Not only will you learn and retain more in school and at work, you will achieve more satisfaction in your personal and business relationships.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Good communication skills are key to success in life, work and relationships. Without effective communication, a message can turn into error, misunderstanding, frustration or even disaster by being misinterpreted or poorly delivered.

Communication is the process by which we exchange information between individuals or groups of people. It is a process where we try as clearly and accurately as we can, to convey our thoughts, intentions and objectives.

Communication is successful only when both the sender and the receiver understand the same information.

In today's highly informational and technological environment it has become increasingly important to have good communication skills. While many individuals still continue to struggle, an inability to communicate effectively, will hold them back in their careers and in social and personal relationships.
Important steps for acquiring good communication skills: Know what you want to say and why. Understand clearly the purpose and intent of your message. Know to whom you are communicating and why. Consider any barriers you may encounter such as cultural differences or situational circumstances (gender, age or economic biases). Ask yourself what outcome you want to achieve and the impression you want to leave.

How will you say it? We're all aware by now, that it's not always what you say, but how you say it, that counts. Begin by making eye contact. You inspire trust and confidence when you look a person in the eyes when you speak. Second, be aware of your body language, since it can say so much more than your words. By standing with arms easily at your side you tell others that you are approachable and open to hearing what they have to say. If, instead, your arms are crossed and shoulders hunched, it suggests disinterest or unwillingness to communicate. Good posture and an approachable stance help make even difficult communication flow more smoothly. Make sure you speak in a cooperative, non-adversarial tone. Be nonjudgmental.

Listen. Communication is a two way street. After you've said what you have to say, stop, listen and look for feedback and clues of comprehension. While the person is responding avoid any impulses to cut them off or listen only for the end of the sentence so that you can blurt out more ideas or thoughts that come to your mind. Respectfully give them your full attention. When they are finished, to ensure that your message has been clearly and correctly understood, ask open questions and encourage discussion. Fine-tune your message if necessary.

Reach understanding, agreement or consensus. Once you have had to opportunity to discuss your message and the feedback to it, re-visit the purpose of the interchange. Have you reached common ground, solved a problem or clarified your position? If the purpose was to teach or instruct, have you accomplished your goal? To communicate well is to understand and be understood. Make sure that your message has been received as intended and that any questions or concerns have been alleviated. You can even agree to disagree. There are no guarantees that your communication efforts will be meet with total compliance and agreement. As long as you understand each other, are cordial and respectful, you can still have a successful exchange.
More Tips for Developing Good Communication SkillsTo obtain a better command of the English language (or any other language), expand your vocabulary by reading and writing more. Look up words you're not familiar with. The better you are able to express yourself, the better your ability to communicate.


Practice your listening skills. Be considerate of other speakers by waiting until they are done before stating your views. Process what has being said before responding.


Learn to understand and appreciate opposing points of view by being open-minded and making an effort to see things from others' perspective. It will in turn, gain you more cooperation and understanding.


Avoid trying to communicate when in an emotional state. You lose objectivity and may say something inappropriate or regrettable. Take time to think your position through before speaking.


Join an organization that encourages you to develop a variety of communication skills, as well as the opportunity to meet new and interesting people.
When you take the time to acquire and hone good communication skills you open yourself up to better relationships, more career opportunities and increased self-confidence. You also reach higher levels of mutual understanding and cooperation while achieving your goals with even greater success. All new skills take time to refine, however, with effort and practice you can develop good, even exceptional, communication skills.

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR PERSONALITY

Do you often wonder how to improve your personality? If you really want to improve your personality, first of all you need to know why you want to achieve this? What’s there that lacks, and how is it going to affect your life if you manage to improve your personality? You can accomplish anything once you know why you want to do it. Anyway, that’s totally a different topic. In this blog post we are going to explore how you can improve your personality, significantly, taking small steps.
• Accept and recognize your weak points: You cannot develop your strengths without knowing your weaknesses. If you keep on living in denial you will never be able to improve your personality. Once you know your weaknesses you can work on them and improve them. So in order to improve your personality first of all you have to accept and recognize your weak points.
• Don’t judge people all the time: People with weak personality traits have this problem — they are constantly judging and evaluating people and they are constantly worried what people think about them and how people react to them. Worrying about others’ reaction is not going to solve your problem. When you stop judging people you can be more relaxed and be yourself.
• Learn to like others: People with great personalities love the company of other people. Don’t think that since they already have great personalities people flock around them; that’s not the case. After a certain point, to be honest, personality does not even matter.
• Expand your intellectual horizon: Intelligent and informed people are generally more cool about themselves and this affects the way they move around and interact. Do as much reading as possible because this fills your mind with ideas and stimulates your thoughts. You will have lots of confidence and you will be able to participate in all sorts of discussions and debates and put your point across convincingly, leaving a great impression.
• Maintain a healthy lifestyle: Eat good food, exercise regularly and get enough sleep. Improving your personality in no way involves looking pretty and having a great physique. Any face can look good if there is a glow on the skin and it looks healthy. Similarly the body of any proportion looks appealing if it is healthy and well-exercised.
• Be useful to others: Help people whenever you can because this can win you many friends and admirers. Don’t do it just to please people. Help them when you really think that they should be helped. To be able to help the others instills confidence in you and this in return, reflects upon your personality.
• Spend less time watching TV: Watching TV actually make us you dumb because you start living in a fantasy world and sometimes this world seems so good that you don’t want to come out of it. It affects you intellectually and it also affects you physically.
• Learn new things: Start learning new things because this will get you in touch with new people. It could also take your mind off how you should look in front of other people. This will also give you a chance to prove yourself and improve yourself work.
• Be in the company of positive people: Don’t be a part of a group just because it is a “cool” group to belong to. Instead, hang out with people who are not bothered about who is cool and who is not.

DEVELOP A CHRISMATIC PERSONALITY

Have you ever noticed how some people captivate everyone they speak to? No matter what they look like or how much money they have, they can walk into a room and instantly be the center of attention. When they leave, people think highly of them and want to emulate them. That’s charisma, a sort of magnetism that inspires confidence and adoration.

Like beauty, luck, and social position, charisma can open many doors in life. Unlike these other qualities, anyone can become more charismatic.

1. Improve your posture. Good posture will give the impression of self confidence (even if you don’t feel that way on the inside). While walking, maintain a relaxed yet definitive upright posture: spine long, shoulders back, head level with the ground. This may feel awkward or overpowering to you when you first practice it, but keep trying.

2. Relax the muscles in your face to the point where you have a natural, pleasant expression permanently engraved there. Face the world and show everyone you’re not afraid.

3. Make a connection. When your eyes come in contact with another person’s, nod and smile subtly with a subdued joy shining forth. Don’t worry about the other person’s reaction and don’t overdo it.

4. Remember people’s names when you meet them for the first time. This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people. Repeat the person’s name when stating your name to that person will help you to remember it better. For example: Hi Jack, I’m Wendy. Follow through with small talk and repeat the person’s name. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye. It’s not just about helping you to remember that person. The more you say a person’s name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they’ll warm up to you.

5. Be interested in people. If you meet a new acquaintance, for example a coworker, a classmate, a friend of a friend, etc. find out about their immediate family and interests. Be sure to ask after the names of family members and remember them. Be careful in that subject though you don’t want to be nosy. If you ask too much they will become uncomfortable. Also ask after their particular interests in life. These two topics will ensure much better small talk than just harping on about school or work. Most people don’t like to think about those things at social occasions unless they have to. Even if it is about networking, you should understand fully the worth of taking a break from talking shop. It is important to refrain from talking up about yourself. Be purely interested and impressed by the person with whom you are speaking.

6. Orient topics toward the audience. This means taking into account topics that interest those around you, even if you are not so keen on them. If you are in a sporty crowd, talk about last night’s game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you are amongst a group of hobbyists, draw out their hobbies and make remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, etc. Nobody expects you to be an expert. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around. Exercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you are hoping to learn more about it.

7. Praise others instead of gossiping. If you are talking with someone or you are talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100% sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.

8. Don’t Lie. A lie is something you say for which there is some direct evidence somewhere out there that contradicts it. If you tell Mary that you like Jane and Billy that you don’t like Jane, Mary and Billy will talk and your reputation will be ruined. No one will believe a word you say.

9. Issue compliments generously, especially to raise others’ self esteem. Try to pick out something that you appreciate in any situation and verbally express that appreciation. If you like something or someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it. If you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment it, even if you feel that there is room for improvement. If you notice that someone has changed something about themselves haircut, manner of dress) notice it, and point out something you like about it. If you are asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliment.

10. Be gracious in accepting compliments.Get out of the habit of assuming that the compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment. Go beyond a mere thank you and enjoin this with I’m glad you like it or It is so kind of you to have noticed. These are compliments in return avoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response Oh well I wish I was as ______ as you/that situation. That is tantamount to saying, No, I am not what you are saying I am, and your judgment is wrong

11. Control your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is crucial. Most people feel insecure somewhere inside and have an inability to accept praise. For this very reason, when you praise, do it subtly and glibly. When you say, you look nice today it should be in the exact same tone that you would use to say it’s a nice day. Any variation from your normal tone will arouse suspicion about your sincerity. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does it sound sincere? Practice until you get it right.. It might not sound right to you, in that case, ask someone for judgement.


Tips

* Developing charisma is an art. The general guidelines above can help you be more charismatic, but your charisma must come from within you and must reflect you as an individual or it will appear fake. Fortunately, everyone has the ability to be charismatic, and it simply needs to be coaxed out. Practice and take note of what works and what needs improvement.

* Don’t mimic others. People with well developed charisma have a remarkable ability not only to sway people’s opinions but also to cause others to emulate their personalities and even gestures. At the same time, however, research has shown that charismatic people do not emulate other charismatic people. Their individuality sets them apart.

* Have a message. Don’t be afraid to be controversial, to push the envelope. If you believe in something or feel strongly about it, communicate that in a respectful way.

FAITH IS THE BASE OF SUCCESS

FAITH CAN MOVE A MOUNTAIN
If you have a faith as a mustard seed you will say to this mountain ‘move from here to there’ and it will move and nothing shall be impossible for you.
……….. Lord Jesus
Faith is the head chemist of the mind. When faith is blended with thought, the subconscious mind instantly picks up the vibration, translates it into spiritual equivalent, and transmits it to Infinite Intelligence, as in the case of prayer.
Faith is a state of mind which you may develop at will through the application and use of some principles.
Repetition of affirmation of orders to your subconscious mind is the only known method of voluntary development of the emotion of faith.
......... Napolion Hill
This is the basic principles of Prayer and Autosuggestion. The impulse of thought which is repeatedly pass into the subconscious mind is, finally, accepted and acted upon by subconscious mind, which proceeds to translate that impulse into its physical equivalent, by most proactical procedure available.
In connection with this, consider again the statement all thoughts which have been emotionalised (given feeling) and mixed with faith, begin to translate themselves into their physical equivalent or counterpart.
Not only the thought impulses that mixed with faith, but those have been mixed with other positive emotions (like happiness, love, sex) or any negative emotion, may reachm and influence the subconscious mind.
There are millions of people who believe themselves "doomed" to poverty and failure, because of some strange force over which they believe they have no control. They are the creator of their own misfortune, because of this negative belief, which is picked up by subconscious mind and translated into physical equivalent.
At this point you have to deceive your subconscious mind by reverse or reinforcing with some positive thoughts and faith or believe. To make this 'deceit' more realistic, conduct yourself just as you would if you were already in possession of the material things/ success level which you are demanding, when you call upon your subconscious mind.
The subconsious mind will transmute into its physical equivalent, by the most direct and practical media available, any order which is given to it in a state of belief or faith that the order will be carried out.
It is essential for you to encourage the positive emotions as the dominating forces of your mind, and discourage - and eliminate negative emotions.
A mind dominated by positive emotions, becomes a favourable abode for the state of mind known as faith. A mind so dominated may at will, give the subconscious mind instructions, which it will accept and act upon immediately.
There must be a steady and unfailing practice of positive prayer if you are to succeed. And to pray you need faith. Possibility thinking is just another word for faith. You will be controlled by their positive thoughts or negative thoughts. One of the two emotions will dominate and drive you: either fear or faith. If you are not living by faith, then you will automatically be living by fear. Never surrender the leadership of your life to fear.
No force, no emotion is more paralyzing than fear. It stops a salesperson about to make a call, the young man to go for his goals, a job hunter about to seek an interview. In the whole sordid, sorry spectacle of human fears, none is more destructive and defeating than the fear failure.

If you are living by fear, then see this as a flaw for negative thinking. It will not stand up. It will crack for sure. Walk away from negative thinking. Dare to live by faith.

Faith is indeed the greatest miracle – working power imaginable. Faith never fails a person. We fail when we give up on faith. Faith sets you free from downgrading, negative emotions and replaces them with success-generating emotions.

Faith leads to dreaming. Dreaming leads to desiring. Desiring leads praying. Praying leads to beginning leads to deciding. Deciding leads to waiting. Waiting leads to paying the price. Paying the price leads to managing problems which ultimately leads to expecting success.
SELF-CONFIDENCE FORMULA :
Here is the Self-confidence Formula or Prayer of Autosuggestion ....
I know that I have the ability to achieve the object of my definite purpose in life; therefore, I demand of myself persistent, continuous action towords its attainment, and I here and now promise to render such action.
I realise the dominating thoughts of my mind will eventually reproduce themselves in outward physical action and gradually transform themselves into physical reality; therefore, I will concentrate my thoughts for thirty minutes daily, upon the task of thinking of the person I intend to become, thereby creating in my mind a clear mental picture.
I know through the principle of prayer or autosuggestion, any desire that I persistently hold in my mind will eventually seek expression through some practical means of attaining the object back of it; therefore, I will devote ten minutes daily demanding of myself the development of self-confidence.
I have clearly written down a description of my definite chief aim in life and will never stop trying, untill I shall have developed sufficient self-confidence for its attainment.
I fully realise the that no wealth or position can long endure, unless built upon truth and justice; therefore I will engage in no transaction which does not benefit all whom it affects. I will succeed by attracting to myself the forces I wish to use, and the cooperation of other people. I will induce others to serve me because of my willingness to serve others. i will eleminate hatred, envy, jealousy, selfishness, and cynicism, by developing love for all humanity, because I know that a negative attitude towards others can never bring me success. I will cause others to believe in me, because I believe in them and in myself. I will sign my name to this formula, commit it to memory, and repeat it loudly once a day, with full faith that it will gradually influence my thoughts and actions so that I will become a self-reliant, and successful person.

Five phases to fruit bearing which a seed of faith passes though to get success … Get move your mountain….

1. The Nesting Phase :
When an idea drops into the mind as an egg is deposited in the birds nest. For too many people, faith never gets beyond the nesting phage. Ideas passes through the mind without being taken seriously.
I don’t think potential miracle working power of faith more than alack of self confidence. Faith is indeed most fragile at birth.
Greatness doesn’t depend upon your position in life, but upon your respect of the positive ideas that flow into your imagination.

Every person is creative, but a lot of people donot believe in their creativity. I told the bottom ladder employees that they were smart, they believed it. They came up with a solution because they were not well enough informed to know that their suggestion could not be done.
Most of us tend not to do anything about the incredible, magnificent ideas that come to our minds. Years later, when we read that somebody else has turned an idea into a great success, we may lament to ourselves, “I thought about that once. Why didn’t I do something about it?”.

Common people are brilliant it they believe in their own ideas. Most human beings have the same basic brain capacity. The major difference is the attitude that a person has towards his own ideas.

At an international psychological congress in Paris, France, Dr. H.E. Gruber of Rutgers University reported that research has led to the confidence belief that “ Child prodigies are not born, they are developed”.

The Kingdom of God is within you.
………. Jesus

The me I see is the me I’ll be.
Build a positive self-image to develop mountain – moving faith. Your mind`s image of yourself will release powers of self-actualization.

Positive results follow a positive mental picture. This is the irrecoverable law of faith built by God, into the universe. Draw now a positive picture of yourself, believe in your ideas, and faith will survive phase one.

2. The Testing Phase : Ideas must be tested by asking questions that rise out of your own value system and knowledge.
Decision making is easy if there is no contradiction in your value system.
A positive idea implies questions like :
Is this really necessary ?
Is this really human need-filling idea ?
Can it be inspiring to other ?

How do you test the ideas that come into your mind ? I test mine by this universal principle : Will my faith, acted upon and firmly embraced cause my life and my activity to be an inspiration to somebody else to achieve more in his life ?
The truth is everybody is an inspiration to some body else.

3. The Investing Phase :
Investing phase is the point at which you make a public commitment. You commit time, money, energy, and – possibly the most valuable product of all – the pride and prestige to the publicly announced project. At this point many people find their faith faltering. If, by an act of will and prayer, you determine that you will make the public commitment, the odds are overwhelming that you can succeed.

So, faith is like a seed. If a seed is not planted, it can`t bear fruit. But a plant also needs to be watered to sprout. Once it is planted and watered, growth will begin to reach full maturity.

4. The Arresting Phase :
You have started, you have made the commitment. You’ve put your name on the line, you have started your run.

Now problem attack you. Troubles block you. Defeat seems certain. You begin to think you have bitten off more than you can chew. You wonder if you have make a terrible mistake with your investment. The arresting phase of faith is God’s way of testing us before the final victory.

So have faith, believe in yourself and pay heed to the words of Edgar A. Guest:

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sing,

When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must – but don’t quit.

He want to make sure : Are you really depending on Him? Will we really be grateful if we make it ? Can He trust with success? Are we going to humble enough to handle the big prize ?

Trust the sun – don’t trust the shadow. Believe in your dreams – don’t believe in your despairing thoughts. Have faith in your faith- and doubt in your doubt. Trust in your hopes- never trust in your hurts. And you will move on eventually, effectively, inspiringly to faith’s final phase the Cresting Phase.

5. The Cresting Phase Yes, the crowning phase of faith is the cresting phase. The mountain top is scaled.
Success finally is achieved.
A bad habit is broken.
A mission is achieved.
You make your country proud; millions of poor get out of the poverty line, their standard of living increased.
Your country becomes prosperous, crores of job created. People get engaged adding GDP to country…..
The money starts flowing your way…
The bones are healed….
A broken relationship is healed…
The emptiness and loneliness of life is filled with new friends and loved one….
A new technique is invented…

God never fails to let the sun outlive the storm. And those who keep on keeping on ultimately survive successfully and in the process are an incredible inspiration to others to keep bravely fighting their battles too.

Now- Believe and you will achieve
You are as deserving and as capable of achieving success as any other person alive in the world today. God created you to be somebody who could be an inspiration to many people. Open your mind to receive possibility thought. They will come like an egg dropped in a nest. Tenderly receive them and be prepared to trust in them through the testing phase, investing phase, the arresting phase. Never abandon the dream until you have reached the Cresting Phase

WHAT IS PERSONALITY

When we speak of personality, we pertain to the person’s character, wholeness, or totality involving behavior, attitudes, qualities, and traits of an individual.

Personality s made up of the characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that make a person unique. In addition to this, personality arises from within the individual and remains fairly consistent throughout life.

Components of Personality
Some of the fundamental characteristics of personality include:

Consistency - There is generally a recognizable order and regularity to behaviors. Essentially, people act in the same ways or similar ways in a variety of situations.

Psychological and physiological - Personality is a psychological construct, but research suggests that it is also influenced by biological processes and needs.

Impact behaviors and actions - Personality does not just influence how we move and respond in our environment; it also causes us to act in certain ways.

Multiple expressions - Personality is displayed in more than just behavior. It can also be seen in out thoughts, feelings, close relationships and other social interactions.

WHY PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT IS IMPORTANT

Person’s personality is defined by their characteristics, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. These aspects start developing during childhood, and are strengthened and molded as the person grows into adulthood.

A very important thing you need to remember is that your personality, regardless of what it is now, can develop and evolve. The significance of this understanding is that you can still do something about your personality today, which means that if you think your personality needs to be changed or improved, then you can make this happen.

The following points will help you understand why.

1 Your Personality Will Help You Build Strong Personal Relationships

Have you ever wondered why some people have lots of friends while others do not? Or why others can easily adapt to any social gathering while others cannot? The difference is largely due to the type of personality these people have. While some people have a very likeable personality, some are rather intimidating and difficult which causes others to avoid them. Try to observe parties and you will notice how those who are always smiling and going out of their way to talk others are the life of the party, while there are also those who prefer to stay in one corner, all by their lonesome selves.

In family life, how you deal with your spouse, your parents, or your children also has something to do with the kind of person you are. Although the love of a family is unconditional, there are certainly times when challenges arise, and how you deal with each one affects the relationship you will have with your family.

If you are too shy to speak when in a group, then this only means you lack self-esteem and confidence. If your relationship with your family is not too well, then it only means you lack communication and trust among each other. All these can be changed if you strive to improve and develop your personality.

2 Your Personality Will Dictate Success in Your Career

In the workplace, it is quite common to experience difficulties, from something as simple as beating traffic to stressful ones such as meeting project deadlines, as well as maintaining good relationships with your bosses and colleagues. Though majority of us have the mental capacity to handle the responsibilities bestowed on us, we lack a high level of emotional intelligence which is considered just as important to get the job done.

As you might be well-aware of, emotional intelligence and personality go hand in hand. This is why personality development holds a very vital role in a person’s ability to succeed in whatever career he chooses to take. If you are easily frustrated, without the capability to handle stress brought about by work-related events, then it will be easy for you to give up during difficult times.

Since personality also entails knowing how to relate with others, knowing how to communicate effectively, and even how to dress appropriately, it is instrumental in helping us climb the echelon of success.

3 Personality Development Helps You Improve

in the course of development, from infancy to adulthood, negligence towards our own potentials took a toll on our progress, and as a result, we are no longer able to use our unique traits to their fullest.

The good news is that with personality development, we can do something about this. No matter how ordinary we think we are, we can polish our traits and behaviors and shine through. We can transform our personality into one that aims to succeed in any aspect of our lives.

These are just some of the reasons why personality development is very important. In a nutshell, developing one’s own personality addresses the problems we face both at home and at work, helping us become successful in every endeavor we engage ourselves in.
It is never too late to change. No matter how young or old you are, whatever level you may be in your career, you can still do something to achieve a better, more desirable personality.




HOW OT ENHANCE YOUR PERSONALITY

Many of us are so concerned with how people perceive us and what they can say about our personalities. And in enhancing our personality, there are different aspects of our human character that we can focus on. They say that an impressive personality is a total package of an individual’s mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and general well-being.

Be Physically Appealing
Our physical traits are one of the aspects in assessing our characters. It is because how we carry our physical attributes reflects our inner personality. It is usually with our outer appearance that causes people to initially create an impression. To boost your personality, you need to make sure you appear physically appealing and attractive with your manner of dressing, the way you put on make-up, the way you do your hair, and the way you present yourself to people. It does not necessarily mean that you have to wear flashy clothes and or a really made-up hairdo just to get people’s attention. It simply means being neat, well-groomed, maintaining a good posture, and properly dressed for the appropriate situation.

Everyone is attracted to someone who keeps a neat and well-groomed appearance. When leaving the house, make sure that your hair is neatly combed or brushed and the nails are trimmed. Take a shower daily to be fresh all the time. Double check yourself and your attire in the mirror before leaving and make sure that your outfit does not catch attention by either being sloppily dressed or overly dressed. You must care for your body by keeping it healthy. A regular exercise or engaging in sports will keep you physically fit.

Widen Your Knowledge and Experience

Our everyday encounters with various situations and different kinds of people are huge factors in molding our personalities. You need to gather as many experiences as you can wherever you may be. It is through these experiences that we get to understand who we really are and how we are in dealing with unfamiliar circumstances.

Never hesitate to learn many new things. Doing so only expands your horizons and develops undiscovered skills in other aspects. Take interest in your surroundings and be keenly observant.

Be interested in people and learn what they want. Find out their preferences, interests, beliefs, and actions. Attend social occasions and gatherings where you get the chance to meet new acquaintances. Travel a lot to places you want to go and discover. Traveling provides exposure and is guaranteed to broaden one’s knowledge and experience which, in turn, broaden one’s mind to many things.

Develop a Likeable Attitude
If you want to make people like you, learn to like yourself first and be likeable. Once you develop a good personality, people will easily admire and like you. Reflect on what you like and what you dislike about yourself. Take note of your assets and positive aspects. Develop an attitude that will be impressive to others. In augmenting your personality, this aspect is way more challenging than boosting the physical appearance.

It is important to learn to admit your weaknesses and flaws and then do something to correct them. Never tell yourself that this is all that you are and you cannot do anything about yourself anymore. There is always a chance to change if you are more than willing to go through it.

Learn how to value little achievements and recognize simple accomplishments from people. You will be surprised to find out how people will admire you for being appreciative and you will be appreciated in return. Do your best to refrain from unhealthy arguments since it creates gaps and ruins relationships with people. Always remember that there are a lot of things to like about you.

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT TIPS
To enhance one’s personality, you will need to exert a lot of effort so that this will be achieved successfully. Take note that this is not a one-time endeavor; it is something that you will need to work on for a period of time.

Among the initial steps to take in order to build a good personality is to identify which areas need to be developed. To do so, you can carefully observe yourself and discover your own flaws, or you can also solicit feedback from people who care about you. Once you have figured it out and accepted it, you are on your way to becoming a better person.

If you want to enhance your personality, you need to live by three basic, yet very important tips. These are: belief in the self, consistency, and practice.

Believe in Yourself

Have you ever told yourself that you cannot do it? When your superiors handed you a very difficult project in school or in the office, did you tell yourself that you are not capable of working on it? If you did, then most probably, you were not very successful with the project.

The first thing you should remember is that if you want to achieve a goal, you need to believe that you can actually make it happen. Nothing limits a man more than his own self. Once you develop a can-do attitude, everything else will follow.

Consistency is Key

As with most things, you need to be consistent if you want to see change or improvement. Again, you cannot make this happen overnight, it has to be a continuous effort on your part. Let us cite moodiness as an example. If you want to get rid of your moodiness, you cannot just say you will focus on it today and then forget about it tomorrow. You have to be consistent. You might say that it is quite impossible to always keep an eye on your moodiness, this is true. You cannot always control it. However, this is not what we mean by consistency.

Of course, you will tend to deviate from your goal every now and then, and this is normal and acceptable. What is required is that you make a conscious effort to try every day, little by little, to keep your moods in check. If you can do this for several weeks in a row, it will slowly become embedded in your mind until such time when it will just be a natural thing for you to do.

Consistency would also mean that when you try to develop a better personality, it should not be dependent on the situation or the occasion only. Regardless of the factors involved such as your current condition, the environment you are in, or the people you are with, you need to stick to what it is you are working on. If you are working on improving the way you dress, you should do so unconditionally.
Practice Makes Perfect
Practice is very important if you want to develop a better personality. Although it may not bring about a “perfect” personality because in reality there is no such thing, it will help to improve the one you already have. Just as athletes need to practice real hard everyday to progress in their craft, we too must not forget to keep working on our “improvement” on a regular basis.

As mentioned, personality development is not an easy feat. Along the way you will encounter a lot of hindrances and difficulties, which may, to some point, tempt you to quit and go back to your old self. You should not allow for this to happen, because if you do, all your efforts will only be in vain and you will not become the person that you have always wanted to be, in terms of personality.

If you keep these tips to heart, you will surely see a difference in yourself in just a matter of time. In the end, you will be thankful that you made a bold step towards self improvement.

POSITIVE SELF ESTEEM

“You really have to look inside yourself and find your own inner strength, and say, "I'm proud of what I am and who I am, and I'm just going to be myself."”
( Mariah Carey)

High self-esteem leads to a happy, gratifying and powerful life. Unless you perceive yourself as worthwhile, you can not have high self esteem. All great world leaders and teachers throughout history have concluded that one must be internally driven in order to be success.

People with high self-esteem grow in conviction, competence and willingness to accept responsibility. They face life with optimism, have better relationships and are more sensitive, motivated, and ambitious. They are open to new opportunities and challenges. They can give and receive criticism and compliments tactfully and with ease.
A person with low self esteem try to pretend and look for feeling of false importence. Consider this case
A young executive with poor self-esteem was promoted, but he could not reconcile himself to his new office and position. There was a knock at his door. To show how important and busy he was, he picked up the phone and then asked the visitors to come in. As the man waited for the executive, the executive kept talking on the phone, nodding and saying, "No problem, I can handle that." After few minutes he hung up and asked the visitor what he could do for him. The man replied, "Sir I'm here to connect your phone."

Why pretend ? what are we trying to prove? What do we want to accomplish ? why do we need to lie ? why look for feeling of false importance ? All these come from insecurity and low self esteem.

SOME CHARACTERISTIC OF PEOPLE WITH POSITIVE SELF ESTEEM:

HIGH SELF ESTEEM vs LOW SELF ESTEEM
1. Talk about ideas / Talk about people
2. Caring attitude / Critical Attitude
3. Humility / Arrogance
4. Respect authority / Rebel against authority
5. Courage of conviction / Go along with
6. Confidence / Confusion
7. Concerned about character / Concerned about reputation
8. Assertive / Aggressive
9. Accept responsibility / Blames the whole world
10 Optimistic / Fatalistic
11. Willing to learn / Know it all
12. Sensitive / Touchy
13. Discuss / Argue
14. Believe in self worth / Believe in net worth
15. Guided / Misguided
16. Discipline / Distorted sense of freedom
17. Internally driven / Externally driven
18. Respect others / Lookdown on others
19. Knows the limit / Everything goes
20. Giver / Taker

STEPS TO BUILD POSITIVE SELF ESTEEM
1. Turn scars into stars :
Read the life history of people who have turned a negative into positive, adversity into advantage, stumbling blocks into stepping stones. They refuse to let disappointment and failure pull them down.

Some of the best music was composed by Beeth Oven -he was deaf.
Some of the best peotry was written by Milton - he was Blind
Greatest world Leader US President Franklin D. Roosevelt- He served from a wheel chair.

2. Learn Intelligent Ignorance :
Education teaches us what we can do and also teaches us what we can not do.

“I am looking for a lot of men with an infinite capacity for not knowing what can not be done.”
……… Henry Ford.

Henry ford and his V8 engine invention :
Henry ford gave this world the V8 engine. He did not have much formal education. In fact, he did not go to school beyond the age of 14. He was intelligent enough to know that V8 engine would be of great value of his company but he didn’t know how to build it. So he asked all his qualified and educated people to build one. According to them V8 engine was impossible to build. But Henry Ford insisted on having his V8 engine. A few months later he asked his people if they had the V8 and they replied “we know what can be done and we also know what can not be done. The V8 is an impossibility.” This went on for many months and still Henry Ford said “ I want my V8.” And shortly thereafter the same people who said it was impossible produced his V8 engine. The educated highly qualified limited themselves within their academic knowledge of what can be done and what can not be done. So we must Learn
ntelligent Ignorance. When you do not know your limitation, you go out and surprise yourself. In hind sight you wonder if you have any limitations. The only limitation a person has are those that are self imposed. Don’t let education put limitations on you.


3. Do something for others who can’t repay you in cash or kind:
Dr Karl Menninger, a world renowned psychologist was once asked, ‘what is the advice some one if you knew that person was going to have a nervous breakdown?’ the audience expected Dr. Menninger to advice consulting a professional. But he did not. He said, ‘I would advise that person to lock home, go to the other side of town, find someone in need and help that person. By doing that we get gratification and it represents a high self esteem.

4. Learn to give and receive complement :
Don’t miss out any opportunity to give sincere compliments. Remember the key word sincerely. When other gives you a compliment, accept it graciously and gracefully with two words ‘Thank you’ that is the sign of humility.

5. Accept responsibility :
We need to accept responsibility for our behavior and our actions and insulate ourselves from excuses. Don’t be like the student who failed just because he did not like the teachers or the subject. Who is he hurting the most? We have to accept responsibility and stop blaming others, then and only then will productivity and quality of life improve.

6. Practice discipline :
Self discipline does not kill joy but builds it. You see people with talents and ability and yet unsuccessful. They are frustrated and the same behavior pattern affects their business, their health and their relationship with others. They are dissatisfied and blame it on luck with out realizing that many problems are caused by lack of discipline.

7. Set goals :
Well defined goals give a person a sense of direction, a feeling of accomplishment, when he reaches his goals. More important than the goal is the sense of purpose and vision. It given meaning and fulfillment to life.
In goal setting, we need to be realistic. Unrealistic goals remain unaccomplished, leading to poor self esteem. Where as realistic goals are encouraging and build high self esteem.
8. Associate with people with high moral character :
Associate yourself with people of good quality, it esteem your reputation, for it is ‘better to be alone, than to be in bad company.’

Associate with people of high moral character helps build self esteem.

9. Becoming internally driven, not externally :

If some one in the first day says you “ you are the greatest guy” you feel great and the next day when the same person says “ you rascal, you cheat, you crook….etc” you feel terrible.

So who is controlling your life ? Obviously he is. That is you are being externally driven.
So long we blame outside sources, our miseries will continue and we will feel helpless. Unless we accept responsibility for our feelings and behavior, we can’t change. The first step is to ask :

Why did I get upset ?
Why am I angry ?
Why am I depressed ?

Then we start getting the clues to overcome them. Happiness is a result of positive self-esteem. Happiness is internal, happiness is like butterfly you ran after it, it keeps flying away. If you stand still, it comes and sits on your shoulder.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. “
…….Eleanor Roosevelt.

10. Develop a mind set that brings Happiness :
Bitterness is a sign of emotional failure. It paralyzes our capacity to do good. Set your own standards, be honest to yourself. Compete against yourself. Do the following :
Look for positive in every person and in every situation.
Resolve to be happy.
Set your own standards judiciously.
Learn to find pleasure in every little thing.
Remember all times are not the same. Ups and downs are part of life.
Make the best of every situation.
Keep yourself constructively occupied.
Help others less fortunate than yourself.
Learn to get over things, don’t brood.
Forgive yourself and others. Don’t hold guilt or bear grudges.

11. Give yourself positive auto-suggestions :
Develop the habit of giving yourself positive self talk. Autosuggestion alter our belief system by influencing the subconscious mind. Our behavior reflects our believe system. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy-

Examples of autosuggestion :

I have a good memory
I can succeed
I will win
I can create wealth and get rich
I have good analytical ability
I have good imagination capacity
I can handle any situation better.
I am industrious and intelligent.
I am good in my decision

12. Our greatest weakness can become our greatest strength :
Anger is a weakness. How can it be turned into a strength ?
One lady lost her child because of drunk drivers. She got so angry that she organized people ( in intolerance) all over the US to fight drunk driving. By getting MADD ( Mothers Against Drunk Driving). Today she and her association have become a significant force, with thousands of members, and are succeeding in their pursuit to change legislation in congress. That is turning a negative emotion like anger into a strength by doing positive.

13. Have Patience :
A lot of time we here people saying that one exposure to a positive or negative material does not have any impact. That is not true.
In China there is a bamboo tree which is planted, watered and fertilized for the first four years. Nothing happens. There is no visible sign of growth. But sometime during the fifth year, the bamboo tree grows about 90 ft in six weeks. The question is “ did the bamboo tree grow in six weeks or did it take five years to grow. Even though there is no visible sign it was taking root in the ground. When there is no visible sign, if someone had stopped watering and fertilizing it, would this have happened ? certainly not. The bamboo tree would have died.

We learn to have patience and faith and keep doing the right thing. Even though the results may not be visible, something is happening.
14. Take inventory ;
Make a list of all your strength and weakness : Successful people realize their limitation. But build on their strength. Unless we know these how can we build on them ? Focus on what you want to do and be, rather what you do not.

Iftikhar Anjum
Director
Personality Development Center
A project of 7 C’s School of English
03444102025,03008452588